Holla at a Schola!
Mz. Ziah
Chronic Sista: Blogging Through the Pain
Thursday, February 23, 2012
COMING SOON: THE FACADE OF FREEDOM SYNDROME
At the close of Black History month keep an eye out for my latest blog, The Facade of Freedom Syndrome. In the meantime enjoy this true hip hop from Brotha Yasiin Bey
Monday, February 20, 2012
The Black Male Privileges Checklist
So...I saw this on the H-Afro_Am listserv and this completely sums up everything I am feeling right now.
The Black Male Privileges Checklist is one tool that students and
faculty may find useful in dealing with issues of Black Manhood &
Black Masculinities.
The Black Male Privileges Checklist
Leadership & Politics
1. I don't have to choose my race over my sex in political matters.
2. When I read African American History textbooks, I will learn mainly
about black men.
3. When I learn about the Civil Rights Movement & the Black Power
Movements, most of the leaders that I will learn about will be black
men.
4. I can rely on the fact that in the near 100-year history of
national civil rights organizations such as the NAACP and the Urban
League, virtually all of the executive directors have been male.
5. I will be taken more seriously as a political leader than black women.
6. Despite the substantial role that black women played in the Civil
Rights Movement and Black Power Movement, currently there is no black
female that is considered a "race leader".
7. I can live my life without ever having read black feminist authors,
or knowing about black women's history, or black women's issues.
8. I can be a part of a black liberation organization like the Black
Panther Party where an "out" rapist Eldridge Cleaver can assume
leadership position.
9. I will make more money than black women at equal levels of
education and occupation.
10. Most of the national "opinion framers" in Black America including
talk show hosts and politicians are men.
Beauty
11. I have the ability to define black women's beauty by European
standards in terms of skin tone, hair, and body size. In comparison,
black women rarely define me by European standards of beauty in terms
of skin tone, hair, or body size.
12. I do not have to worry about the daily hassles of having my hair
conforming to any standard image of beauty the way black women do.
13. I do not have to worry about the daily hassles of being terrorized
by the fear of gaining weight. In fact, in many instances bigger is
better for my sex.
14. My looks will not be the central standard by which my worth is
valued by members of the opposite sex.
Sex & Sexuality
15. I can purchase pornography that typically shows men defile women
by the common practice of the "money shot."
16. I can believe that causing pain during sex is connected with a
woman's pleasure without ever asking her.
17. I have the privilege of not wanting to be a virgin, but preferring
that my wife or significant other be a virgin.
18. When it comes to sex if I say "No", chances are that it will not
be mistaken for "Yes".
19. If I am raped, no one will assume that "I should have known
better" or suggest that my being raped had something to do with how I
was dressed.
20. I can use sexist language like bonin', laying the pipe, hittin-it,
and banging that convey images of sexual acts based on dominance and
performance.
21. I can live in a world where polygamy is still an option for men in
the United States as well as around the world.
22. In general, I prefer being involved with younger women socially
and sexually
23. In general, the more sexual partners that I have the more stature
I receive among my peers.
24. I have easy access to pornography that involves virtually any
category of sex where men degrade women, often young women.
25. I have the privilege of being a part of a sex where "purity balls"
apply to girls but not to boys.
26. When I consume pornography, I can gain pleasure from images and
sounds of men causing women pain.
Popular Culture
27. I come from a tradition of humor that is based largely on
insulting and disrespecting women; especially mothers.
28. I have the privilege of not having black women, dress up and play
funny characters- often overweight- that are supposed to look like me
for the entire nation to laugh.
29. When I go to the movies, I know that most of the leads in black
films are men. I also know that all of the action heroes in black film
are men.
30. I can easily imagine that most of the artists in Hip Hop are
members of my sex.
31. I can easily imagine that most of the women that appear in Hip Hop
videos are there solely to please men
32. Most of lyrics I listen to in hip-hop perpetuate the ideas of
males dominating women, sexually and socially.
33. I have the privilege of consuming and popularizing the word pimp,
which is based on the exploitation of women with virtually no
opposition from other men.
34. I can hear and use language bitches and hoes that demean women,
with virtually no opposition from men.
35. I can wear a shirt that others and I commonly refer to as a "wife
beater" and never have the language challenged.
36. Many of my favorite movies include images of strength that do not
include members of the opposite sex and often are based on violence.
37. Many of my favorite genres of films, such as martial arts, are
based on violence.
38. I have the privilege of popularizing or consuming the idea of a
thug, which is based on the violence and victimization of others with
virtually no opposition from other men.
Attitudes/Ideology
39. I have the privilege to define black women as having "an attitude"
without referencing the range of attitudes that black women have.
40. I have the privilege of defining black women's attitudes without
defining my attitudes as a black man.
41. I can believe that the success of the black family is dependent on
returning men to their historical place within the family, rather than
in promoting policies that strengthen black women's independence, or
that provide social benefits to black children.
42. I have the privilege of believing that a woman cannot raise a son
to be a man.
43. I have the privilege of believing that a woman must submit to her man.
44. I have the privilege of believing that before slavery gender
relationships between black men and women were perfect.
45. I have the privilege of believing that feminism is anti-black.
46. I have the privilege of believing that the failure of the black
family is due to the black matriarchy.
47. I have the privilege of believing that household responsibilities
are women's roles.
48. I have the privilege of believing that black women are different
sexually than other women and judging them negatively based on this
belief.
Sports
49. I will make significantly more money as a professional athlete
than members of the opposite sex will.
50. In school, girls are cheerleaders for male athletes, but there is
no such role for males to cheerlead for women athletes.
51. My financial success or popularity as a professional athlete will
not be associated with my looks.
52. I can talk about sports or spend large portions of the day playing
video games while women are most likely involved with household or
childcare duties.
53. I can spend endless hours watching sports TV and have it
considered natural.
54. I can touch, hug, or be emotionally expressive with other men
while watching sports without observers perceiving this behavior as
sexual.
55. I know that most sports analysts are male.
56. If I am a coach, I can motivate, punish, or embarrass a player by
saying that the player plays like a girl.
57. Most sports talk show hosts that are members of my race are men.
58. I can rest assured that most of the coaches -even in
predominately- female sports within my race are male.
59. I am able to play sports outside without my shirt on and it not be
considered a problem.
60. I am essentially able to do anything inside or outside without my
shirt on, whereas women are always required to cover up.
Diaspora/Global
61. I have the privilege of being a part of a sex where the mutilation
and disfigurement of a girl's genitalia is used to deny her sexual
sensations or to protect her virginity for males.
62. I have the privilege of not having rape be used as a primary
tactic or tool to terrorize my sex during war and times of conflict.
63. I have the privilege of not being able to name one female leader
in Africa or Asia, past or present, that I pay homage to the way I do
male leaders in Africa and/or Asia.
64. I have the ability to travel around the world and have access to
women in developing countries both sexually and socially.
65. I have the privilege of being a part of the sex that starts wars
and that wields control of almost all the existing weapons of war and
mass destruction.
College
66. In college, I will have the opportunity to date outside of the
race at a much higher rate than black women will.
67. I have the privilege of having the phrase "sewing my wild oats"
apply to my sex as if it were natural.
68. I know that the further I go in education the more success I will
have with women.
69. In college, black male professors will be involved in interracial
marriages at much higher rates than members of the opposite sex will.
70. By the time I enter college, and even through college, I have the
privilege of not having to worry whether I will be able to marry a
black woman.
71. In college, I will experience a level of status and prestige that
is not offered to black women even though black women may outnumber me
and out perform me academically.
72. If I go to an HBCU, I will have incredible opportunities to
exploit black women
Communication/ Language
73. What is defined as "News" in Black America is defined by men.
74. I can choose to be emotionally withdrawn and not communicate in a
relationships and it be considered unfortunate but normal.
75. I can dismissively refer to another persons grievances as ^*ing.
76. I have the privilege of not knowing what words and concepts like
patriarchy, phallocentric, complicity, colluding, and obfuscation mean.
Relationships
77. I have the privilege of marrying outside of the race at a much
higher rate than black women marry.
78. My "strength" as a man is never connected with the failure of the
black family, whereas the strength of black women is routinely
associated with the failure of the black family.
79. If I am considering a divorce, I know that I have substantially
more marriage, and cohabitation options than my spouse.
80. Chances are I will be defined as a "good man" by things I do not
do as much as what I do. If I don't beat, cheat, or lie, then I am a
considered a "good man". In comparison, women are rarely defined as
"good women" based on what they do not do.
81. I have the privilege of not having to assume most of the household
or child-care responsibilities.
82. I have the privilege of having not been raised with domestic
responsibilities of cooking, cleaning, and washing that takes up
disproportionately more time as adults.
Church & Religious Traditions
83. In the Black Church, the majority of the pastoral leadership is male.
84. In the Black Church Tradition, most of the theology has a male
point of view. For example, most will assume that the man is the head
of household.
Physical Safety
85. I do not have to worry about being considered a traitor to my race
if I call the police on a member of the opposite sex.
86. I have the privilege of knowing men who are physically or sexually
abusive to women and yet I still call them friends.
87. I can video tape women in public- often without their consent -
with male complicity.
88. I can be courteous to a person of the opposite sex that I do not
know and say "Hello" or "Hi" and not fear that it will be taken as a
come-on or fear being stalked because of it.
89. I can use physical violence or the threat of physical violence to
get what I want when other tactics fail in a relationship.
90. If I get into a physical altercation with a person of the opposite
sex, I will most likely be able to impose my will physically on that
person
91. I can go to parades or other public events and not worry about
being physically and sexually molested by persons of the opposite sex.
92. I can touch and physically grope women's bodies in public- often
without their consent- with male complicity.
93. In general, I have the freedom to travel in the night without fear.
94. I am able to be out in public without fear of being sexually
harassed by individuals or groups of the opposite sex
The Black Male Privileges Checklist is one tool that students and
faculty may find useful in dealing with issues of Black Manhood &
Black Masculinities.
The Black Male Privileges Checklist
Leadership & Politics
1. I don't have to choose my race over my sex in political matters.
2. When I read African American History textbooks, I will learn mainly
about black men.
3. When I learn about the Civil Rights Movement & the Black Power
Movements, most of the leaders that I will learn about will be black
men.
4. I can rely on the fact that in the near 100-year history of
national civil rights organizations such as the NAACP and the Urban
League, virtually all of the executive directors have been male.
5. I will be taken more seriously as a political leader than black women.
6. Despite the substantial role that black women played in the Civil
Rights Movement and Black Power Movement, currently there is no black
female that is considered a "race leader".
7. I can live my life without ever having read black feminist authors,
or knowing about black women's history, or black women's issues.
8. I can be a part of a black liberation organization like the Black
Panther Party where an "out" rapist Eldridge Cleaver can assume
leadership position.
9. I will make more money than black women at equal levels of
education and occupation.
10. Most of the national "opinion framers" in Black America including
talk show hosts and politicians are men.
Beauty
11. I have the ability to define black women's beauty by European
standards in terms of skin tone, hair, and body size. In comparison,
black women rarely define me by European standards of beauty in terms
of skin tone, hair, or body size.
12. I do not have to worry about the daily hassles of having my hair
conforming to any standard image of beauty the way black women do.
13. I do not have to worry about the daily hassles of being terrorized
by the fear of gaining weight. In fact, in many instances bigger is
better for my sex.
14. My looks will not be the central standard by which my worth is
valued by members of the opposite sex.
Sex & Sexuality
15. I can purchase pornography that typically shows men defile women
by the common practice of the "money shot."
16. I can believe that causing pain during sex is connected with a
woman's pleasure without ever asking her.
17. I have the privilege of not wanting to be a virgin, but preferring
that my wife or significant other be a virgin.
18. When it comes to sex if I say "No", chances are that it will not
be mistaken for "Yes".
19. If I am raped, no one will assume that "I should have known
better" or suggest that my being raped had something to do with how I
was dressed.
20. I can use sexist language like bonin', laying the pipe, hittin-it,
and banging that convey images of sexual acts based on dominance and
performance.
21. I can live in a world where polygamy is still an option for men in
the United States as well as around the world.
22. In general, I prefer being involved with younger women socially
and sexually
23. In general, the more sexual partners that I have the more stature
I receive among my peers.
24. I have easy access to pornography that involves virtually any
category of sex where men degrade women, often young women.
25. I have the privilege of being a part of a sex where "purity balls"
apply to girls but not to boys.
26. When I consume pornography, I can gain pleasure from images and
sounds of men causing women pain.
Popular Culture
27. I come from a tradition of humor that is based largely on
insulting and disrespecting women; especially mothers.
28. I have the privilege of not having black women, dress up and play
funny characters- often overweight- that are supposed to look like me
for the entire nation to laugh.
29. When I go to the movies, I know that most of the leads in black
films are men. I also know that all of the action heroes in black film
are men.
30. I can easily imagine that most of the artists in Hip Hop are
members of my sex.
31. I can easily imagine that most of the women that appear in Hip Hop
videos are there solely to please men
32. Most of lyrics I listen to in hip-hop perpetuate the ideas of
males dominating women, sexually and socially.
33. I have the privilege of consuming and popularizing the word pimp,
which is based on the exploitation of women with virtually no
opposition from other men.
34. I can hear and use language bitches and hoes that demean women,
with virtually no opposition from men.
35. I can wear a shirt that others and I commonly refer to as a "wife
beater" and never have the language challenged.
36. Many of my favorite movies include images of strength that do not
include members of the opposite sex and often are based on violence.
37. Many of my favorite genres of films, such as martial arts, are
based on violence.
38. I have the privilege of popularizing or consuming the idea of a
thug, which is based on the violence and victimization of others with
virtually no opposition from other men.
Attitudes/Ideology
39. I have the privilege to define black women as having "an attitude"
without referencing the range of attitudes that black women have.
40. I have the privilege of defining black women's attitudes without
defining my attitudes as a black man.
41. I can believe that the success of the black family is dependent on
returning men to their historical place within the family, rather than
in promoting policies that strengthen black women's independence, or
that provide social benefits to black children.
42. I have the privilege of believing that a woman cannot raise a son
to be a man.
43. I have the privilege of believing that a woman must submit to her man.
44. I have the privilege of believing that before slavery gender
relationships between black men and women were perfect.
45. I have the privilege of believing that feminism is anti-black.
46. I have the privilege of believing that the failure of the black
family is due to the black matriarchy.
47. I have the privilege of believing that household responsibilities
are women's roles.
48. I have the privilege of believing that black women are different
sexually than other women and judging them negatively based on this
belief.
Sports
49. I will make significantly more money as a professional athlete
than members of the opposite sex will.
50. In school, girls are cheerleaders for male athletes, but there is
no such role for males to cheerlead for women athletes.
51. My financial success or popularity as a professional athlete will
not be associated with my looks.
52. I can talk about sports or spend large portions of the day playing
video games while women are most likely involved with household or
childcare duties.
53. I can spend endless hours watching sports TV and have it
considered natural.
54. I can touch, hug, or be emotionally expressive with other men
while watching sports without observers perceiving this behavior as
sexual.
55. I know that most sports analysts are male.
56. If I am a coach, I can motivate, punish, or embarrass a player by
saying that the player plays like a girl.
57. Most sports talk show hosts that are members of my race are men.
58. I can rest assured that most of the coaches -even in
predominately- female sports within my race are male.
59. I am able to play sports outside without my shirt on and it not be
considered a problem.
60. I am essentially able to do anything inside or outside without my
shirt on, whereas women are always required to cover up.
Diaspora/Global
61. I have the privilege of being a part of a sex where the mutilation
and disfigurement of a girl's genitalia is used to deny her sexual
sensations or to protect her virginity for males.
62. I have the privilege of not having rape be used as a primary
tactic or tool to terrorize my sex during war and times of conflict.
63. I have the privilege of not being able to name one female leader
in Africa or Asia, past or present, that I pay homage to the way I do
male leaders in Africa and/or Asia.
64. I have the ability to travel around the world and have access to
women in developing countries both sexually and socially.
65. I have the privilege of being a part of the sex that starts wars
and that wields control of almost all the existing weapons of war and
mass destruction.
College
66. In college, I will have the opportunity to date outside of the
race at a much higher rate than black women will.
67. I have the privilege of having the phrase "sewing my wild oats"
apply to my sex as if it were natural.
68. I know that the further I go in education the more success I will
have with women.
69. In college, black male professors will be involved in interracial
marriages at much higher rates than members of the opposite sex will.
70. By the time I enter college, and even through college, I have the
privilege of not having to worry whether I will be able to marry a
black woman.
71. In college, I will experience a level of status and prestige that
is not offered to black women even though black women may outnumber me
and out perform me academically.
72. If I go to an HBCU, I will have incredible opportunities to
exploit black women
Communication/ Language
73. What is defined as "News" in Black America is defined by men.
74. I can choose to be emotionally withdrawn and not communicate in a
relationships and it be considered unfortunate but normal.
75. I can dismissively refer to another persons grievances as ^*ing.
76. I have the privilege of not knowing what words and concepts like
patriarchy, phallocentric, complicity, colluding, and obfuscation mean.
Relationships
77. I have the privilege of marrying outside of the race at a much
higher rate than black women marry.
78. My "strength" as a man is never connected with the failure of the
black family, whereas the strength of black women is routinely
associated with the failure of the black family.
79. If I am considering a divorce, I know that I have substantially
more marriage, and cohabitation options than my spouse.
80. Chances are I will be defined as a "good man" by things I do not
do as much as what I do. If I don't beat, cheat, or lie, then I am a
considered a "good man". In comparison, women are rarely defined as
"good women" based on what they do not do.
81. I have the privilege of not having to assume most of the household
or child-care responsibilities.
82. I have the privilege of having not been raised with domestic
responsibilities of cooking, cleaning, and washing that takes up
disproportionately more time as adults.
Church & Religious Traditions
83. In the Black Church, the majority of the pastoral leadership is male.
84. In the Black Church Tradition, most of the theology has a male
point of view. For example, most will assume that the man is the head
of household.
Physical Safety
85. I do not have to worry about being considered a traitor to my race
if I call the police on a member of the opposite sex.
86. I have the privilege of knowing men who are physically or sexually
abusive to women and yet I still call them friends.
87. I can video tape women in public- often without their consent -
with male complicity.
88. I can be courteous to a person of the opposite sex that I do not
know and say "Hello" or "Hi" and not fear that it will be taken as a
come-on or fear being stalked because of it.
89. I can use physical violence or the threat of physical violence to
get what I want when other tactics fail in a relationship.
90. If I get into a physical altercation with a person of the opposite
sex, I will most likely be able to impose my will physically on that
person
91. I can go to parades or other public events and not worry about
being physically and sexually molested by persons of the opposite sex.
92. I can touch and physically grope women's bodies in public- often
without their consent- with male complicity.
93. In general, I have the freedom to travel in the night without fear.
94. I am able to be out in public without fear of being sexually
harassed by individuals or groups of the opposite sex
It Takes Work
I remember when I never had to question what the consequences of a partner’s anger were. I had the bruises to show; while I tried to hide the scars I so deeply felt were deserved. I felt my role was that of a punching bag and I’m not saying that I miss that; you will never get that sentiment out of me. I grew and started to realize my worth, but I haven’t mastered this yet. I don’t know how to speak up for myself; I hold it in and take the sharp critiques that naturally flow from your lips as they sting with your laughter. This is not a, woe is me post, but an introspective post about relationships, respect, and privilege within the interpersonal sphere. We’re at the end of Black history month and I’m realizing the institution won. They’ve managed to force these destructive ideologies into our domestic spheres. We let them pick our enemy, let them convince us that relationships are competitions, and let them allow chauvinism into our once reciprocated interactions.
How can we build as a people if we can’t even build a household? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that this issue is only in the Black community. Relationships are failing at a drastically higher rate in the U.S as a whole. However, I’m positioned as a Black woman, albeit privileged sometimes because of my academic standpoint. However, that privilege that the mainstream places on to me is forcibly ripped off in the private sphere; therefore irrelevant to this post, except for allowing me the tools to articulate my emotional state. The two are not exclusive.
My good friend Phil once told me to write through the pain, so here’s to nothing. Women are conditioned to be more emotional, and our hormones don’t help the situation. Men are oftentimes penalized for revealing any emotion besides anger; therefore that is oftentimes the default and how all emotion is likewise interpreted. This fundamental difference exacerbates many of our disagreements because we are literally speaking differently. Not in a sense of different languages, but different positions. Men, Black and white, are positioned privileged to that of their female counterparts and although they may not subconsciously contribute to this privilege, they do benefit from it.
These benefits don’t stop in the public sphere, it seeps into the private. When I was with a physically abusive man I always knew when and how he would exercise this privilege, but with non-abusive partners it’s a guessing game and since we’re almost speaking different languages, we don’t know the rules to each other’s moves and interpretation. We have to listen to one another and not just once. Even after we think we understand one another, we have to double back and ask, “when you said this, I took it to mean blank, is that what you actually meant?” We also need to step outside ourselves; I know it’s difficult but not impossible. It takes effort. When we step outside of ourselves, we need to account for our own privileges and lived experiences.
We live in a generation of instant gratification and awarding mediocracy, but relationships are work. Not one person can fix everything and problems are inevitable. When we are trying to step outside ourselves, we have to also take the other person’s history into account. This is not simply for romantic relationships; I think these are all wonderful things for any type of interpersonal relationships, especially drowning in the midst of a destructive me generation. Everyone has vulnerabilities, some visible, others not so clear. If you care about someone and want the best for them, accommodate those vulnerabilities.
We all have baggage that we’re trying to unload, but it doesn’t happen in a day, or even in years sometimes, it’s a journey and the person you’re with should be there, understanding, and patient because it takes time, especially for marginal populations in society. The system beats us down every day. We need to be lifted up; we have a long way to go if we’re trying to knock out that glass ceiling. Although women tend to be more emotional than men, that doesn’t position men and their thinking processes over that of women. I would like to think God made us different so we can enrich each other’s experiences and interpretations, not to repress them.
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